its 5:21am.
and i don’t know how to cry anymore.
that shit depresses me to no end.
seriously.
this aint some being mellowdramtic to be mellowdramatic shit.
i want to cry.
i was taught long ago that if i enter this game of constant competition
and competitiveness and dog eat dogness and getting your soul sucked
and 25 hour workdays and long un-approving looks in the mirror and anxiety
and constant judgment—i better numb the shit outta myself.
i mean i saw no harm in that.
sheeeeit if anything it borderline helped my sanity all the years that i too was wondering
“what the fuck we gettin slept on for”*
but now? i dunno.
i always thought the most coldest song in history was Mobb Deep’s “Shook Ones”—
As a believer in the david/goliath theory i’ve always maintained well hidden cautiousness for any human being over 18 years old that stood under 5″2 inches. Similar to how Chappelle jokes about the token white guy he fears in the group of blacks (”….-aint no tellin’ what them white dudes did to get them black guy’s respect!….”)–i believe that the overcompensatory nature of underestimated height challenged youngsters INSTANTLY makes them the winner in ANY adversarial situation.
add on top of that, such a deadpan delivery that is neither animated, cartoony, or overdone (3 qualities that is a guarantee for survival in hip hop—which leaves me wondering “how in the hell did they sneak THIS one past the minstrel corporate panel?”)–that you can’t help take heed.
Mos once told me that hov’s “…i got no passion….i got no patience” was the coldest line he ever heard in life. i rebutted “over ‘i’m only 19 but my heart is old and when things get real my warm heart turns cold. another nigga deceased? another story gets told…it aint nothin….really.”
….Add to that the only pleasurable experience described in this song is to die in one of the most notorious housing projects in new york city….with a bullet sizzling you to sleep like a lullaby. i mean they describe it with such abandoned passion that in the back of your mind you too are like “if there were an option for me to experience what that feels like….i just wanna see for like a mega second”.
sad but true. nigga heart’s is so cold they sport frost.
which makes it doubley hard for me, because my persona is part fuzzy elmo/grover mixed with barry white and mr marcus (hey git your own damn blog and snark on my self references)—how can a guy, whose whole persona is to be convincing in his caring program himself to not give a fuck so he won’t go crazy?
this is pretty much why you are witnessing the absence of all of your favorite acts that would rather starve then to pull a scarecrow and reveal the real life blues they are experiencing.
shit is real like that yo. (”my pain is like** authentic diiiig meee?” for the 24 and under set)
i’m sad about alot of things and somehow have managed to reprogram myself to feel numb so that i won’t pull a self sabotage move on myself (ESPECIALLY in my world? sheeeeeeeit i could listen to HALF of my record collection and a quarter of my video treats and im sure i could make it 64 years of age—problem would be no electricity to enjoy such pleasures.)—but knowing that is not too healthy (yeah even ?uesto feels like going postal on mofos 3ce a year) i’ll go through mini anxiety attacks.
difference is i use to actually go through the process successfully and feel somewhat refreshed after the release.
but now?
shit is like the “wiggle your big toe” scene in kill bill.
i forgot how to cry.
i did everything yo…looked at soundscan reports, photos of exes, records i’ve broken, don sonning me on the set of Soul Train, my birth certificate, the offspring of my bandmates and the empty invisible polaroid family photo in my mind’s back pocket***, got on the scale, went to pitchfork, thought about bills and payroll —dry.
dry dry dry.
have i crossed the point of no return? my sister and i often said that we truly feel sorry for the next person that gets in our path of a rage off for we may have a combined total of a lifetime of repressed anger that could land us in jail (besides a scuffle with tariq in london which was probably like :43 seconds i aint had to involve myself in a real ass whipping administering since my and scooter wilson went at it for 35 mins over some 3D glasses back in 81 (27 years is a long time to not release rage yo…..im scared of that)—
its bothering me so much til the point i can’t sleep.
why am i sharing this with you? no clue whatsoever.
im just ramblin and ramblin and rambling…..or maybe this is the only way i can release it. whatever “it” may be.—half the time i feel like im not even supposed to feel sadness cause that naturally shows weakness.
but then i say “real” men show 3 dimensional emotions (and because of my anti minstrel stance i’m really defiant about not holding back on emotions—minstrels aren’t allowed to show any emotions–for if they do, it allows those who embrace them to see a human being/flesh and/or EQUALS–which thus negates the backwards stance of only embracing minstrelsy as long as it is indeed that…not embracing a human being****)
–and of course i usually talk myself out of it by doing the comparison thing: well (family member in jail/artist with half your sales) isn’t doing that well and you hear nary a complaint from them….and besides ahmir….you got (name achievement here)….
but i don’t think an “achievement” should be the reason for my calmness. my content nature should be said reason. but what artist you know aint insatiable?
this is precisely the reasons most artists hold their careers hostage. they can’t deal. and when they can’t deal….they hide. and then the public suffers. my problem is i wanna deal but i can’t find the tools that unlock the faucet.—i can “wiggle your big toe” til the cows come home. i can have a sad disposition…but nothing materializes.
you can see it inside my face, that im stuck on the realness…..
*”water”/pheronlogy/the roots/2002
** said in a san fernando valley/zoolander way
***prepare yourself for a gazzillion Back To The Future references
****its an oxy moron but ive read studies on the psychology of people who embrace the very elements and people they also hate. sad but true. we hate car accidents…but we will watch them shits won’t we?
i
488 Comments
Gandalf Mantooth
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aw hell naw, you supposed to be getting sleep so I can interview you today. You and EB iz fuckin up my game plan.
bobbo
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serenity now.
hoochie mama?
von pea
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great & honest entry. i feel you.
James Madison
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I feel you man. If it means anything you have brought myself and my fiends and family hours of happiness for the past 15 years. That’s something most can’t say. See you at the picnic…
andrewX
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respect.
jesus wept.
The Great Camboni
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?uesto,
You may not sell as many records as you want, but you make quality music man…consistently. And you have touched people with your words and your art. I can attest to that. Stay up.
Kristy Wendt
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Hi Quest,
Rambling for yourself (and others because you are who you are) will show you your mind at a moment, what your mind is doing at the 5:21s in your life, our lives, everyone’s lives. And that’s what makes it invaluable (I think)! You ramble for a while, it becomes physical if you write it, and you look at it another time, and you do it enough . . . and you start to realize that you aren’t your mind. So if at 5:21 you were feeling apathetic, how are you feeling now? If apathy is what you feel, then stay with it the way a mama stays beside a baby. That’s the present moment, and your mind can’t touch it. (Thank gawd!)
Ron GP
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Questo…
Wish i had the antidote or anecdote for you, the prescription that would lead you out of the dark, the proverbs to help you keep moving.
I don’t.
Yet, still feel moved to post- I’ve been an OKP lurker for about 4 years now, and have enjoyed your words and sounds for about 7…wanted to say thank you for your evolution of thought & work.
Once again, not trying to blow smoke- or offer condolence, rather offering a reminder that some of the best art has come from the dark nights…that don’t make it easier (especially, when paralytic shit ruling the day).
Few things have kept me moving forward as I navigate the world of hope and despair, being an amateur activist & grassroots organizer, and friend.
1. Movement from Speech to Action…finding the place where my unique talents meet the world’s need.
2. Movement from isolation to community…allowing surrogate family to pick me up and brush my shoulders off amidst the dark nights
3. Movement from the concrete to the abstract…learning how to live in the questions, walk in tension, and find (as Rumi says, the field beyond right doing & wrong doing).
I apologize for the diatribe, know that my intentions are not to be patronizing- keep moving man. KEEP KEEP moving!
Thanks again for your work…keeps me moving.
Ron (at) RiseUpInternational (dot)com
la belle o la bete
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?uesti–welcome to life as we know it…as some of you should know it.
i think you need a girlfriend…someone/thing other than your work to focus on, energize to, etc. good luck with that tho-
Diedre vs Dice
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When I see you, I see a brilliant, funny and resilient person who is walking in their dreams and despite some of the obstacles faced you remain one of the realist never conforming always true to what you believe in and that makes you one of the most successful people around, and that is more important than anything.
(Al Green is all I have to say,-WOW! continue to pursue your dreams!)
Sheldon
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Well we all have to deal with or emotions in some way or another..I was told by a # of my friends that I keep my emotions bottled in and thats not good.Cause one day you might go postal and you say its been 27yrs since you relesed rage,lol.Shit thats 3 more yrs than i spent on this earth i can only imagine how you feel..but as a native of philly and a Roots head 2 the death of me..dont go postal on em’man stay strong!
nativesun
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keep doing your thing man. the world needs more from cats like you and your crew and they just don’t know it. people take *air* for granted, but sure as hell need that shit. i need ya’ll. every release is a buildup and conquering that never falls short. people can live without ever knowing that what they missed would have made their lives better. it’s no one’s fault; it’s the way of the world. stay proud that your efforts reach people who would never want a world without you and to the rest who’ll never know: fuck ‘em.
Chris S
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CGD should be an album full of !!!!!!!’s with vocals by ?uesto’s Rage… or (snark coming) you could help supply Stump with some song ideas.
I feel you though (no homo)… whenever you get down, just realize that you change a lot of people’s lives for the better. A friend of mine got through some real rough patches of their life by listening to DYWM and TFA everyday. I know it might not do anything for you financially, but it might help to relieve some stress if you look at all the positive you’ve contributed to the world and not worry about some nameless asshole on Pitchfork or how unfair the music industry treats real artists. As far as the kids thing goes, I guess that’s something you risk missing out on when you’re on tour constantly… I’m sure it’ll all even out though cuz you’ve got a good soul. Hope you’re feelin better.
Damali
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If you can’t cry, maybe you don’t really need to. That’s just one way to release tension. It might not really be ‘your’ way and that’s ok.
About everything else…it sounds like you need time to go away somewhere alone and think. just you. no phones computers tvs nothing. step away from the world and figure out who you are, what’s important to you and what you REALLY want out of the rest of your life. then come back and make it happen. learn to appreciate simply being alive, and other little things in life. it’s a really really hard thing to do but i know you can.
good luck.
big$
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Mr. Marcus — oh, word?? On a serious note, I feel you on being emotionally paralyzed. That’s how I’ve dealt with the most painful/confusing times of my life: become like the rock, turn inward, stare out the window in heavy contemplation. I mean, horrific shit and not one tear drop. It happens — we all have different ways of dealing with shit.
Being dry or having a heavy heart is no less legitimate a reaction than rage. But 27 years of tamping that shit down? Hmmm. I’ll be Snoop and you be Micheal — no, fuck that, you be Omar, you need a shotty for this one — let’s grab our shit and blast bottles off the ledges behind the row houses while Marlo looks on impassively. Deal?
If it’s any consolation at all, your music has gotten me through some very hard times. Thank you.
Nana
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Consider doing the Landmark Forum.
LandmarkEducation.com
el philth
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deep entry dude..i had similar experience when i reached thirty and looked back on my life..the realization that i was sleepwalking thru an urban war and i came out of it only slightly damaged was a wake up call that threw me into some kinda depression i didnt know existed?? i smoked a ton of trees drank the patron straight no chaser watched like 50 porn dvd’s nothing helped provide an answer?? so i just manned up and became an optimist flash forward i have a newborn and finally see the worthiness of life-its incredible now my mission is to change the world thru my talents bcuz quiet honestly the world deserves it..use your talents to change the damage that has been done to our race.culture and psychi im sure ur funds will allow you to venture in2 something bigger than just corporate music..invest in the youth brah they’ll bring you the answers and grow this HIP HOP thing into something more worldy more digital and moor socio-political-economic u digg??
The Trav
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Any time you wanna trade Questo and be handcuffed to a God forsaken cublicle all day, doing shit you hate for 40hrs a week, barely getting paid for it, while folks are indifferent about your music, making it even harder for you to escape your dreadful day to day, I’m down—I’d rather be a globe trotting, full time musician who hangs out with Anabella Sciorra like yourself. put things into proper perspective.
-much love-
Schizophonic
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Yo ‘Mir !
Haven’t seen U in a minute, but after reading this post, I had to touch base.
I too have been kept awake in the wee hours by my mind. At these points, life can seem very cold and lonely. I can’t say I know exactly what is troubling you but I can definitely say that you made an impact on my life in a positive way. I know there are many, many more besides me also
I have marveled at your accomplishments in these last 10 years or so. You’re constantly growing and you haven’t changed your values. If anything, they’ve become stronger.
I don’t engineer as much as I used to, but I definitely look back to the TFP sessions as some of the best times. Who else could hang with me in music trivia? I could go on and on…
The point is Ahmir, is that you are a successful man because your still doin’ it. That doesn’t mean it’s been easy but your doin’ it! Al f@#kin Green! I couldn’t be more proud bruh’
So when your mind starts playin’ tricks on you, remember all those who greet you with a smile because of the person you are.
Peace and Stay up,
“Cool” Keith Cramer
Sigma Sound Engineer - 90’s
Byron
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I hope you read this.
I’ll introduce myself as a fan since organix and the over-25 (closer to 30 nowadays) crowd.
You and the Roots Crew have provided me and others with a lot over the years and I have done my duty as a fan to support. I hope you read this because I think I can offer you some perspective.
The details of your struggle aren’t so relevant. The outset, however, is. Understand this, you guys are beyond good. That gift you have has just as much atrophy as growth. Remember that and own it.
I would say you should take time to visit/revisit the lives of prior gifted and enlightened humans. It’s always a rough go that requires YOU to establish the prize for yourself; others won’t or don’t fully grasp you or your talents. That means your road will be a lonely and empty one that you will have to fill for yourself. The proverbial ‘they’ can’t do it. I don’t know a lot but I would say you’re on a good path. Keep your ’shit-kickers’ on and continue to build the structure for which you want to be remembered.
If you have no feelings about particular things that used to move you, good or bad, well-that means you’ve outgrown that issue–embrace that.
j.d.macleod
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Damn ?uest, thanks for sharing. Shit is real and we all can feel that. I hope it works out for you. Actually I have found that it always works out so you will be fine. trust
Oh and the rage thing. Go to a rifle range. Sounds crazy but it works very well. Just go and rent a burner for an hour or so, a box of ammo and let it out. This works just give it a try. You leave feeling good and the gun stays there.
peace
Mark C. Tang
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Hey ?uest.
I post as MapleHutt on the boards, and your post is both insightful and interesting, and I feel empathy for you. I have probably not gone through as many mini-anxiety attacks as you have, but I know I’ve gone through those depressive bouts that you describe more than a few times in my life.
I cannot imagine how tough it is to be an artist in an industry that focuses a lot of attention on image; on top of that, an industry in which to break image can mean career suicide.
For whatever its’ worth, when I go through bouts of depression, I find that the only way to get out is to talk about it with friends who will listen and who can make you laugh and think about all the positive things in life. Sometimes self-thought is sabotaging, and expressing your feelings to people you trust (in my opinion) can help you see things from a more objective point of view.
As far as your band’s music goes, I think you guys have crafted one of the best albums of the decade with “Rising Down”. Regardless of the record sales, it will remain with me as one of my favourite records. It has helped me release my rage and anger, and yet still instills me with hope that humanity will shine through, regardless of the obstacles the world may face.
Thank you Ahmir Thompson.
Precise
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I appreciate your candor. As an artist striving to be heard it is easy for me to say that I will overcome any and all pitfalls…and I will.
The intro to Rising Down is one of the best I have ever heard. It tells the truth and gives all of us a real glimpse of “The Industry”
Stay focused on creating great music and making history. Direct that sadness to the joy you feel when you know you are touching millions of lives. You will feel any despair disappear from your conscience.
Don’t get me wrong we are all human and are or should be working towards perfection. I’m just saying keep your words positive and everything else will be aligned.
Adult Hip Hop right here…www.myspace.com/precisesoundz
Listen to “Its On Me” and “Game”
[the addicted]
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damn ?uest - that was serious.
check out http://www.theaddicted.us though man.
wSquar3d
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word?
word.
GA Hill
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?uesto, my man, keep your head up. You and The Roots are some of the most important musicians of our generation–fuck a soundscan.
Also know that I’ve heard many, many people–people that aren’t even really fans of the Roots–talk about how if they could be a celebrity, they’d be ?uest, because of all the cool ish you do with and without the Roots. You’ve got equal respect from hip-hop heads and punk rockers that I know, because you and the band are legit and mad talented.
Keep up, my man. Thousands and thousands of people love what you do.
Kristasphere
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We all grieve in different ways at different times, so don’t push yourself. If it comes and you push it down, that’s when its a problem.
That said, you have what other artists only dream of: a LOYAL loving fan base who will go anywhere to see you because you make quality music and make us smile. *Ahem, in Ossie Davis School Daze coach voice* “The Lord described and explained to Jonah, that the essence of love is to labor for something.Thou lovest that for which one labors, and thou labors for that which one loves.”
Also, I think you need a nice lady w/no kids, a job, who can dj, to go bowling with. Email me if you’re up for it.
K
Legend
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i feel you fam.
im positive that speaking your emotions out, whether through this blog, or through verbal communication with someone you trust will help you out some.
its been a while since i shed a tear as well, but soon enough, you will break and spill them like a river during white water rafting.
i respect the sincerity. theres not alot of folks who will admit their personal hardships like you just did.
keep ya head up. ill be sure to check back on the regular.
-Legend
Virgenes Corazon
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I’m with you. Lately, I’ve openly wished that I could cry, but I can’t do it. That’s what sucks about laughing and crying, they are involuntary reactions to external stimuli. How often do you have a good uncontrollable belly laugh anymore? Meanwhile, how often do you just register something in your brain as amusing while not still not having a deep laugh at it? I’m with you, though. You’ll know deep down when you hit “whine” level.
gigantopithecus
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watch the movie “King of Kong: Fistful of Quarters” yo. laugh, cry, move on.
kaps
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People have real issues in life and you are complaining?!!!!
you guys make amazing music period!!! PERIOD!
stop getting on ya Sprewell ‘7mill aint gonna feed my family’ shit.
You are doing what your life’s passion is about … 99% of us aren’t able to do that.
gigantopithecus
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?uest, check out this youtube of Hitler spittin some Biggie bars!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0TZd1ic7dw
Slowturtle
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ahmir, i understand your pain, my brother, i really do. what i can tell you is that my faith is what has gotten me through times like this. was going through something similar when i heard my pops tell me not to give up. if it is something you enjoy, you have fun with it, do it…fuck what everybody else says and does. y’all are able to eat because you sell out shows around the world, i mean, i’m flying to pittsburgh from the west coast to see the roots in august. man, just keep on keeping on. i mean, look at the grateful dead, they had ONE hit record, but they ended up with money beyond their dreams because of their shows. there are many of us pushing 40 who been with y’all since organix and still will go see you. to me, y’all are a much cooler and blacker grateful dead. just don’t give up, man - you’re too good to not do this. it is a blessing to be able to do what you’re doing (something you LOVE) and to still eat. just keep on walking…
cocoaso
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Hang in there. You are appreciated more than you know. Before even reading your blog I could sense something was wrong by your [Away] message this morning. You shall have the things you desire. I believe that for you. You must believe that for yourself. And yes, it’s ok to not be perfect. You are a wonderful man, with dashing looks and a big Heart. Reading your interviews and articles, listening to your music and insight make me and zillions of others smile and so proud that you represent “us”. Please don’t be discouraged. WE love yOU and remember I wish you every happiness and love. Real love, True love. Have a beautiful day =)
shells
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You signed my drumstick for me just a month ago at a point where I am teaching myself away from walking through this life with my heart shut down. I never asked anybody for an autograph before. I asked you because I needed some symbol to validate that drumming and the courage to put the raw self out there are the things that keep my blood flowing, and you represent that in your life. Take that aspect of yourself to heart. Many many men live this life blind to such blessings. Let the sleepers sleep. Your tears will come.
Ayana Soyini
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I feel you…Sounds like you need to take a spiritual retreat and unplug for a little while. Go somewhere that brings a smile to your face by yourself for about a month and just let go of all worldy concerns for awhile. Let an assistant handle your affairs while you recharge and get back in tune with the deeper parts of your spiritual self. It really sounds like you need a cleansing from the worlds pollution to refresh and renew you.
And yeah, like some others have already said, it also sounds like you need a really good woman and some little Questlove’s running around. lol Good luck to you, stay strong and much love!
j.a.washington
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this hit me hard today quest!
i feel you. shit sometimes gets so overwhelming that all you want to do is just let “it” out, but you don’t know how to and/or just don’t know what “it
is. shit gets so frustrating, yet you walk through life, just dealing.
you question is it you just haven’t tapped into that truth. have you just not tapped into that channel that will take you to that release you are in need of. man i question this shit daily.
i needed this today. this entry, in all of your rambling, came right on time.
peter christopher
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run…. for real
theres times where ive been where you are at (shit, ima be in iraq come sept.) but ive come up under the idea that abandoning weakness is steps torward maturity/manhood/etc…
but for a minute now, whenever i get to that place– where its like watching you mother and ya child get murdered in front ya face and you cant even flinch — i run.
some people drink, some smoke, some do whatever, and i dont jude, but i run…fast. you’re problems will still be there when you’re done, but you will be *weak* enough to face em.
inflicting pain on the body is a great release. teenage girls do it by cutting themselvs… i think the most efficent and effective method is to put on some damn nikes, sweatband ya afro back, and hit the track….or a trail with hills. in highschool i saw the biggest motherfuckers turn into bitch puddles after a 400m dash with tons of lactic acid, and when they cross the finish, its all hugs and embraces.
running exposes, it weakens, and strengthens. i guarentee 8 miles will tell you many things you didnt know about yourself. no music or fancy gadgets…just you, man.
hope all goes well
Khem Ankh Kes Taab
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“Heavy is the head that wears the crown”…
That’s real talk Questo, I thank you for sharing that and for being bravely transparent throughout your career more often than not. The music you make, the things you speak continue you to challenge , inspire even suprise me. And i dare not pretend to grasp the full reality behind the words you’ve expressed, but your not alone bro and there is yet hope, as evidenced by your willingness to address it.
Ron GP said somee key thigs in moving from thought to action, isolation to community, and I’d like to add to that more truth, the most amazing truth that will make us freee.
JESUS CHRIST IS THE WAY THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE!! Indeed He IS the ressurrection. Check HIm out in earnest brother, ‘cuz in Him Almighty God has made us His business and special possession, let Jesus teach you anew how to live alive. Get to know Him better and i pray that you keep pressing foward.
Khem Ankh Kes Taab
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RUUUNNNNNNN!!! YES, do that, let’s run for Him remembering the price he paid for us.
I love that suggestion, pull out the sneakers and sweat suit, let’s get it!
iGotOnMyBackpack79
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all i can say is with the release of Rising Down, The Roots are now my fav hip hop group of all-time. Yes, i love The Roots more than A Tribe Called Quest and OutKast now. continue to release quality material and some day you will be acknowledged (don’t know if i spelled that right) for your greatness. PeAcE!
oldjeezy
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Middle-aged white dude here. Count me among “been with you since Organix”. From where I sit, a lot of people just don’t “get it”, it’s a minority that even understands really good music. For sure, the kinds of ideas you express in your music, most folks don’t already understand. Some heads do. Whether it can pay to do sumpm besides “get my drank on in da club”, who knows?
I’ve been through my own struggles, and sometimes you don’t get the props that are due. I feel you.
a while back I saw an interview someplace where you mentioned that if you had the chance you’d do a “real” Al Green record. I totally agreed with your comments there, and you really pulled it off. You have an ear for this sh@t, man, it’s a rare gift. Keep on keepin on.
Wordman
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I can’t say I know how to make you feel better, but I can tell you this.
I remember the first time I heard y’all. It was the BT remix to “Silent Treatment”. PHILLY’S Power 99 had that great Friday night show RADIOACTIVE, with DJ Cosmic Strictly Skills Kev and Kolby Kolb (remember him?). And I remember listening to it through the crackling static of my wack $10 radio/tape/CD player, sitting in the apartment I grew up in thinking, “Why does this sound better than anything I’ve ever heard?”
And ever since then, your music has been the soundtrack to my life.
Walking home from work, being chased by a neighbor’s dog for ten blocks, hearing the Pass The Popcorn remix (with that crazy bassline!).
Damn near crashing my bike every time DYWM ended, because I’d forget about the hidden track.
Sitting on the balcony of the apartment I grew up in, about to be evicted again, wondering if there was a next meal to be had, much less where it was coming from. Feeling the night breeze, Illadelph Halflife made me NOT commit suicide. I’m thinking if brothers can come with something like THIS, something that can come from THIS PLACE, then I might have a chance.
I remember forcing my friend to drive us to MegaDale Music in Bear so I could buy TFA the day it came out, thinking to myself, “Wow, I didn’t think I was gonna be here to see their next album.” I bought the album (still need 2 of the alternate covers), listened to it 5 times in a row, and prayed to God that one day I could write something that feels as perfect as that album.
I still cannot play The ‘Notic from TRCA without thinking of Lindsay Haddad and how I let her get away.
I remember not realizing I was lost until I put on Phrenology. All of a sudden, I knew I was in the middle of the woods and had no idea how I got there.
I remember TTP helping me find a direction, realizing I didn’t have to let all these things happen to me, that I had some say.
After I hit bottom, emotionally/physically/with life, HG! was the first thing that found me. It made me remember the things I fell in love with.
GT was about control. I was wrestling myself away from those who had me and giving myself over to me.
RD finds me submerging. I don’t know how to swim (not just on the Aquaboogie tip, I really don’t), and fear myself going under water. Fear it the way I feared nothing before, pure unadultered fear. And by the time I get to Rising Up, I feel like I’ve mastered that one last fear I have, that I’m coming out of the water with the knowledge (Really now, the last thing a Pisces should be scared of is the water).
I’m so eager for the next one, just so I can see where I’m going to go next. Because I know it’s the place I’ve been waiting to go to.
I can’t tell you to keep on, or keep ya head up or whatever. Most observant people can only hear that so many times, and I respect that.
All I can tell you is your music has saved me. Perhaps you should continue to make more?
PEACE
The Outabodies
Permalink
Damn! Is this what we have to look forward to pertaining to our music career? I think on a whole you have to view it through the sum of it’s parts. A lot of artists a great sprinters. But You are marathoning the Earth, circumventing several times non-stop. When people look back at the history of this music thing. Icon! You will always be there. While others will be just a footnote. Leagacy!
http://www.myspace.com/outabodies
caprizant
Permalink
my friends and i often wonder what those “timelife” commercial are going to look like when we are our parents’ age…
the music you & the rest of the Roots crew create are definitely the ones of few that will have the longevity to even be featured on those commercial. your fans support has longevity.
and you love what you do, we see that, and we do our best to love you back for blessin us.
note: i said timelife, not NOW 247, lol.
“if it’s really love/no “but” could budge/what is and was”
- afra behn f/ bliss tara nova, The Reason
MME
Permalink
I didn’t understand a thing you said…but I hope you feel better.
Patrick
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tough times questo, you’ll get through it, just keep pushin’.
jmh
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gotta quest love baby.
love is the answer.
IllogicallyProphetic
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?uesto ?uesto ?uesto Look I’ve been sitting in your back pocket all these years hott fartin while punching the snare ass trying to get u to wake up and smell the onions. U just don’t know it. I feel you…straight up. But I look at it how Christianity or any other similar religion looks at their faith, when everything seems wrong, you are getting the least support and the most oppresion, and no matter what you do, it seems hell is all your math seems to be adding up to, YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT!! You are a world renowed, respected artist, drummer, producer, dj, and individual. THE ROOTS COULD SELL OUT, if they wanted too. And you would be hot for a minute among the world of finnicky/fickle “pop” minded audiences but then what would happen to your HARDCORE DEDICATED FANS!! The Legendary Roots crew could pull a soulja boy and make some corny ass dance jawn or even a “Fitty” Curtey Boy Jackson and be the hardest gangsta rappers out the Illadel but what would that mean? Would u feel content then? Would u have the support that you want that you are looking for?? NOPE Doubt it. Hey man, a men’s health article talks about men and tears after years of just mental conditioning yet while still having depression and disappointment. Check it out if u get the chance. It’s from like ‘04 though. Eh cut open an onion and garlic, chew an entire garlic clove while taking a super deep whiff of the onion. If that don’t get some tears rolling then…maybe you should get your sinuses and tear ducts checked. You may be dead. ha! Seriously though, I hope I’ve shed light somewhere within your internal darkness.
Ill Prophet
Jay Delmer
Permalink
We all feel down I’m currently listening to Rising down and it’s another masterpiece, I was feeling blue the other day and I found this link http://stillbillthemovie.com/. Bill Withers is a genius but he is more importantly a man with the upmost respect for life and what he has achieved in it. Best quote is he tells his kids to aim for wonderful but to get there you have pass through alright, take a good look at alright cos it might be as far as you get”
The world needs heroes but more importantly it needs others to hero worship
Sintas
Permalink
Quite interesting. i think most men will identify with that shit. i am also one of those people who find it hard to cry but i do cry from time to time. just wondering if you guys(the roots) have any plans of coming to south africa soon.
0utsyder
Permalink
Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says “Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says “But Doctor… I am Pagliacci.”
logobeatz
Permalink
Here’s 2 ideas:
1.) “..not even supposed to feel sadness cause that naturally shows weakness.”
Just in case you really believe in even just a fraction of that statement that could be a starting point to change some of your thinking.There is NO weakness whatsoever in feeling sadness.Period.Simple as that.Even more, as long as you are afraid of “being weak” you REALLY are weak.Because we all are weak from time to time and that’s ok.It just becomes a problem if you think you are not supposed/allowed to be “weak” (whatever that exactly is) and therefore you try to avoid being “weak” all the time.THAT really would be weak.Because it’d mean you are not in comfort with yourself.
I was pretty impressed when i saw an interview with Kayne recently on Youtube where he told how he cried(!) when “Stronger” went from like #46 to #6 in the charts and he was like “i know i’m not supposed to admit i was EVER crying but fuck it” because it mean he had NO FEAR of being himself and didn’t care if anyone thought he might be weak because of crying.
THAT is real strength.
2) My second idea is this:
Maybe you’re overidentifying yourself with being a musician/rockstar/businessman.Like, i know compared to other rock stars you seem to be pretty down to earth and all but that’s not the point.The point is, have you ever thought about yourself being something else than “just” a musician ? Meaning, ever thought about doing something totally unrelated to the music business ? Maybe even about doing NOTHING ?
What about the idea to one day quitting music BUSINESS completely ?!
Here’s the deal: Chances are you have become so busy with the music and the business of music that you had no time/have forgotten to think about who Ahmir Thompson really is - i’m not talking about who is ?love but who is Ahmir.What would/could/will Ahmir Thompson be if there would be no music business to take care about? Even better, what’s left of the person Ahmir if his music business is taken away from him ?
People often identify too much with what they DO and not who they ARE.
Maybe try to start to look at EVERYTHING you are used to DO and BE from a distance from time to time and ask yourself if it is really you or if there might be alternatives you haven’t explored so far because you was so caught up in being hip hop, being business, being a drummmer, being a rock star.
Being busy is a “wonderful” way of avoiding deep questions like who yo really are, what you really want etc.But payback is a bitch and it just might be one way it’s coming back at you is not being able to cry anymore.
My 50 cents…
Cool Crys
Permalink
first off..Mr. Marcus? LOL!!!LOL!!!HAHAHAhahahahaha…..
next:
“i’m sad about alot of things and somehow have managed to reprogram myself to feel numb so that i won’t pull a self sabotage move on myself”
DITTO.
peace.
Cool Crys
Permalink
and I thought I was the only one with such a narcissistic blog….difference is…folks actually CARE about your inner musings.
Daniel Hernandez
Permalink
You know this was my concern after the tour for Game Theory. When I read that the roots were releasing another album I was happy but at the same time was worried. Not for the music but for the cats that have brought me some many tunes to help me though my life that. I was wondering if you guys were ok to go through another two years of touring. We all have to push ourselves to help get us out of our own prisons, we work our asses off and in the end it pays. But change has to come. We can’t always take advantage of a certain process that gives us our fix. Everything has to be in moderation, including work. I know this my not apply to the world of the music biz, but somewhere along the line they will feel it to. American business model is like the street crack addicts. They want there fix and get really high, but when we cash we feel horrible and at the same time they want more. Sleepless nights, constantly trying to find the next step for emotion clarity…sometimes, we just have to stop, breath, smell the air, experience mother earth, love, fuck, taste, smell, hear…heartbreak. God made us to not only claim our name on this earth but he also told us to taste his fruits. We can’t cry cause we can’t remember why we were here in the first place. Go back to Philly, or go somewhere like the great white north. That’s where I’m at. Anchorage Alaska. This time of the year I step when I step outside and I remember why I cry, There is so much true beauty in the world that you can’t help but cry. The wildlife, they stroll around here with out a care in the world. Why, cause they live, they eat, they drink, the see God in the mountains.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those hippies that “embraces the drug like it’s a woman†“layin everyday around the way and doin muttin.†I am on the process of shooting my first feature film. It’s something that I have always wanted to do since I was 16 years old. Now I’m 25 and after years of studying the process, skipping film school to become a photojournalist, I’m am finally ready. But it’s been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. So far my girl left me, I’m going broke, I ‘ll be homeless in a few days and out of a job and no budget and no crew. But I’m still shooting. I have to get this done. Creativity is the key to get me out. Em’s said, “success is my only muther fuckin’ option, failure is not.†But I can still cry at night, When I step out side and smell the clean air, God flows through me so greatly. Then I cry. I weep like a fucking baby, I walk back inside so no one can see me. But when I’m done, I feel like a million bucks, then I shoot all day for my movie.
I know you’re addicted to work, I know it gives you your fix. But a changes has to happen. Cause it works the same way as crack. Now I need you to cry! I need the roots in my life. I can’t live without you dudes.
DIRTY,
Look for “Strictly Business†Coming SOON.
BlakGirlSoul
Permalink
I still love ya!!!
FireBrand
Permalink
I think it’s natural to feel the prick of life’s pressures whether those pressures are internal or external. Some folk say that those pressures can be formative- the diamonds into coal sort of character building that makes men out of boys. I don’t know that this is true. But I do think that it is part of being human. We have to question. Part of that is questioning ourselves. We often look at folks that seem fearless as without weakness. The truth is that the stong are those that are able to confront their fears. Confrontation doesn’t always mean winning or even fighting. It can be submission as well. Aint nothing wrong with being down, sad, lonely, wanting, angry, happy, or inspired. If you didn’t feel those things, you aint living.
Leprechaun America
Permalink
You should just run through your sprinkler naked and play on your slip n slide
a big fan
Permalink
always keep a diamond in your mind. - tom waits
aaronlmorrison
Permalink
“Oh tell me what (what, what would I dooo-ooh-ooh…) if I could feel.” - Tinman, The Wiz
aquaboogie
Permalink
first of all, breathe. breathe again. then you need to just relax on a Sunday and let your wonan’s backbone hold you up. watch some sports, do some music, exercise, whatever. then let your woman feed you a good Sunday dinner. spazz out in front of the tv, then get in the shower/bath so your woman can soap, dry and slick you down. then do whatever you want, but make it back to your woman whatever room she is in and get sexed down. wake up the next day refreshed and wondering why you were so stressed out the other day.
Imran
Permalink
If you can’t see it comin’ down your eyes, then you gotta make the song cry.
Moby Dick
Permalink
I’m surprised at all this “lean on a woman” advice. Being a man is strange with and without a woman around.
Amazon this: To Be A Man edited by Keith Thompson. A good out of print book. No central message, lots of snippet reading (perfect for the busy man), good/weird/bad ideas/thoughts throughout.
I’ll try to toss it your way at Neumo’s if you actually have down time which probably won’t happen.
Leah
Permalink
asking for the release catalyzes the release…moistened cheeks to follow shortly. if we keep our eyes, minds, and hearts open…all that doesn’t serve us will come pouring out.
…and your thought process is mad sexy…
lisa diviny
Permalink
you and the roots always give me power and fearlessness when i need it. so does listening to “kind of blue”. try it. see you sat.
sean coon
Permalink
what was that about sacrifice and music in your heart?
maybe it’s time to stop sacrificing for a bit.
Big D
Permalink
“Proceed” helped me get through my pop’s death.
All good art effects the viewer/listener, and most artists don’t recognize their true worth.
Long live art. Long live your art.
Soulah
Permalink
If it’s any consolation, I cried for you at the part where you talked about the empty family photograph.
I love you, and it may sound redundant but maybe it’s for the best. What good has crying (intense emotions generally) ever done anyone anyway?
Plus your drumming may be that release you are looking for in your life.
You are genius and sometimes thats facilitated by adverse situations.
Stay up Ahmir, you bring so many people joy.
ArianaLi
Permalink
this is like 2 blogs late, but i feel you. a change gone come, it always does. PEACE
joanne.
Permalink
one of the realest entries i’ve ever read.
come to think about it, i don’t remember the last time i cried my damn self. i feel the feelings, but nothing comes out.
ouch.
GB4Double
Permalink
man… i thought that only those who “hide” or “run from” their talents, like myself experienced this: “they can’t deal. and when they can’t deal….they hide”…
and I don’t know if “Shook” is most favoritest hip-hop track, but it damn near is…
I can remember real vividly being a young dude of 20 or 21, watching that video for the first time while stuck doing a little vacation… When that joint came on I was so hype I could’ve ate through the bars…
“to all the killers and the 100 dollar billers. for real niggas who ain’t got no feelings”…
I became an instant “Mobb” head (and I feel like Phonte` felt in regards to Prodigy’s first bar of his first verse in a song)..
when the slugs penetrate you feel a burning sensation getting closer to God in a tight situation…
roots_fan
Permalink
Hey ?uestlove. What you describe sounds like what I’ve dealt with for a number of years because of some circumstances I’ve been in that I could do nothing about (I totally understand the numbness). Mostly the only way I can cry now is watching or reading about people that overcame adversity or helped others overcome adversity (like the “Amazing Grace” movie that came out last year-was about William Wilberforce, or some of the movies on the Lifetime Channel). The main thing that keeps me going each day though, is my faith in the God of the bible and His promise that one day there will be no more pain or sorrow, and no sickness or death. In the meantime, music, relationships with friends & family, doing other things I enjoy like watching tv/movies/music videos, reading, or walking around my neighborhood, get me through each day, since I still have to live in this world until I get to the next.
Takesha
Permalink
You’re getting older. I speak as someone in your age range. We start looking back at 30 something. It’s like our rite of passage. Ok maybe you need to buy a punching bag and let it out or something. I don’t believe it’s coldness you feel, it’s a survival tool to be numb. It’s so that we prevent ourselves from being stepped on. One day when you least expect it the waterworks will come. But until then be at peace. You’re just living life on life’s terms. Nothing wrong with that. “even though you’re in the valley, victory comes through your adversity . . .” (marvin sapp). You’re a very spiritual, intuitive, real person so you’re going to feel and be in tune with everything until the point that it may drive you crazy. It’s a gift from God believe it or not. God made you sensitve : ) This is so that you can touch others in a real and deep way. This blog alone has touched so many people to express realness. Kudos to you! Keep being real and being who you are. “By letting your light shine you unconsciously give others permission to allow their light to shine also” (Nelson Mandela paraphrased) So shine on brother. Peace and blessings.
culture
Permalink
Quest,
I saw your show last night in Dallas, Texas, as well as went to the afterparty when you got on the 1’s and 2’s. Back to what you shared, Let me just say this I can relate to this numbness you mentioned. I think sometimes life most of us walk around shellshocked. Thinking, hoping that the next thing will heal us or make us better. The reality is it won’t.
Warning ! Something random and crazy will starting this series of waterfalls that will pour not just fall from your eyes. I’m just gonna tell you this, one day you will cry. When it happens be prepared because you are probbaly gonna cry for hours, and not matter how much you want stop you be able to. So you might wanna pencil sometime in.
On a random note, I just wanted to say that last night I fell in love with your passion for music. You are the King, truly how you get on stage and rock, then turn around and hit the turn tables. It blows my mind. To see a man who has your passion, intellect, and savvy political consciousness both boggles and amazes my mind.
cinshine
Permalink
I CARE 4 U
Baroness von Harlo
Permalink
You know happiness awaits you just around the corner, right???
Seek and ye shall find Sir Thompson.
B.V.H.
Clay
Permalink
The moment you realize you are not present, you are present. Whenever you are able to observe your mind, you are no longer trapped in it. Another factor has come in, something that is not of the mind: the witnessing presence. There is no problem in the Now.
If you wanna cry watch When The Levees Broke or listen to A Tale Of God’s Will.
Becca
Permalink
you will cry again.. and it will happen at the most inopportune time. always does. until then, keep talking (or typing) it out. being self aware is half the battle as it is.
“I tell you one lesson I learned
If you want to be something in life
You ain’t gonna get it unless
You give a little bit of sacrifice”
Crayon
Permalink
Wow. Well written, nigga. Thas some real shit and it takes a real man to leak like dat. Dat shit about wantin to cry an not bein able to? Welcome to my world.
James Peach
Permalink
When I get like this, the first thing I do is drop off the face of the earth, to the best of my ability. It’s a good idea to get away from all friends’ and families’ input sometimes.
Usually I see end up seeing something beautiful just when I need it.
JasonBentleyJones
Permalink
I could say something snarky like “It could be worse. You could be stuck selling Accidental Death and Dismemberment Insurance over the phone” but I’m going to be real:
Take a look at these websites. Check out broadcasts in your area and give them a listen.
http://www.enduringtruth.org
http://www.intouch.org
Pastor Paul is from Philly but he is now broadcasting from California. Charles Stanley broadcasts from Atlanta. I’d discovered them some years back and their ministries have helped me deal.
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Hello ?uestlove,
Trying to get in touch with you to see if you’d be interested in writing and recording a 350-500 word essay for the This I Believe series that airs on NPR.
I can send you more details. Just want to know if you might want to….
you can check out essays that have aired here:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4538138
Thanks!
Syd
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thank G-d i found this website, thank G-d i discovered the Roots!! What took me so g-d long- i don’t know; sh*t! i’ve been listening to everybody ya’ll collaborate with, everybody on okayplayer.com,(Erykah, MeShell N., etc.), all ya’lls influences- damn, Run-DMC, Tribe, De La, P.E.; I was raised up with them; they music like breathing to me!I met Sly Stone @age 2,!!!, Stevie Wonder was the house(home)band, Curtis Mayfield & vinyl recordings of M.L.K.& Malcolm X’s speeches were the daily soundtrack. WHAT THE F***** HAPPENED TO US? I’m home again, finally, Peace be with you, VOTE!!!!! O!!!!Bama 08! thankya, heathah
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Permalink
thank G-d i found this website, & i discovered the Roots!! What took me so g-d long- i don’t know; sh*t! i’ve been listening to everybody ya’ll collaborate with, everybody on okayplayer.com,(Erykah, MeShell N., etc.), all ya’lls influences- damn, Run-DMC, Tribe, De La, P.E.; I was raised up with them; they music like breathing to me!I met Sly Stone @age 2,!!!, Stevie Wonder was the house(home)band, Curtis Mayfield & vinyl recordings of M.L.K.& Malcolm X’s speeches were the daily soundtrack. WHAT THE F***** HAPPENED TO US? I’m home again, finally, Peace be with you, VOTE!!!!! O!!!!Bama 08! thankya, heathah
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For Real?
That is Awful
Think of it this way Don Cherry and Ornette Coleman probably felt the way you did in this post all the time.However I don’t think they lost the ability to cry
If anything man you put this stuff out there and we little people read it and it gives us insight.So there you turn your fears and sorrows into something Positivo
so maybe that’s why you can’t cry about it?
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